Digital Mom

Time To Chill Out

Finally, a day to get things done, get caught up, and relax a little! Things have been way, way too hectic. I have been stretching myself way too thin lately, helping people, and it's been rough. I need to start concentrating on what is best for my family and myself. That's another post altogether, though.

I got most of the house pretty much clean, except our room. Our room is the biggest pig sty on the planet. At least the rest of the house is clean.

Spent some time relaxing and coloring with Maya. About to give her a bath, which she needs BIG time. Then I can chill out a little more, get dinner started, maybe play a board game or two with hubby and Maya before he has to go to work. Then I can read Maya's books and go take a very long bubble bath. Try to find something good to read. Chill out online a bit, then off to bed.

I don't know how my life got so crazy. Today was nice, but I am having major problems with certain things. One of them being the dog. I don't know what we are going to do. He is so bad. We have tried everything... crate training, read books, I mean everything. I was holding onto hope for a long time, but honestly, I think he is just a bad dog and I just don't know what to do. I know dog's are a huge responsibility, and I know they require a lot of care and work, but this is insane. I love him but... things better change, ya know? I can not even have people over without him getting.. crazy. Not excited and friendly crazy, either. Mean crazy. I do not want a mean dog. I have my daughter's safety to consider, and she comes first.

Well I am off to give her a bath, I will be back with more... there are so many things I want to elaborate on I will probably have about a million posts coming up!!!

Life

I'm really, really tired and going to bed, but I thought I'd make a quick update.

My friend Tanya had her baby! A healthy little girl. It was so, so amazing being there for the whole thing. She and baby Alyssa will be coming home tomorrow!! It's a pretty decent birth story so I will post more on that later.

Thank you for the sympathies about my grandma. Isn't it amazing how life works? While Tanya was at the hospital, I went out to make a few phone calls on my cell. A lady there started a conversation with me, and I told her all excited like that I was there because my best friend was about to have a baby. Then she tells me she is there because her mother is dying. That very night, one life was coming into the world as another one was leaving. I had a really weird feeling about it all. Still do a little bit, actually.

Well I am off to bed, more to come later I promise!  :)

Tired

You know how I said the bad feeling meant something would happen in my neighborhood, but it wouldn't involve family or someone I loved?

My Grandma passed away the other night. In Buffalo N.Y.

Looks like I was all backwards or something I guess.

Anyway, I am so, so, so, so, tired. I got enough sleep. I'm exhausted. I don't know what's up with that, other than I have been really stressed lately, and busy. Now, I'm just tired.

Psychic or Psycho?

I've had this really strange feeling lately. It's driving me crazy.

See, I sometimes get these feelings, like something is going to happen, and then... something does. Sometimes I get them and nothing happens, sometimes things happen and I never get a feeling... so I'm not exactly sure why I even bother to pay attention to them anymore. But I do. Because sometimes, something does happen.

It's never very specific. Like, sometimes I will have this awful feeling that something is going to happen on a national level, like... a horrible plane crash or devastating earthquake or something like that. I had one of the worst feeling ever right before 9/11. I get these feelings before plane crashes and I even got one before the tsunami disaster. It's never anything more than a feeling though. And it does me absolutely no good, because it could happen that day or in a week, and I never know exactly what it is or where it will happen.

This feeling I have right now, though... it's different. I think something is going to happen in my neighborhood, maybe even on my street. It could be something horrible like a fire or a bad car wreck. It could be something smaller, like a drug bust and lots of cops around or something. It could be a break in or even a murder. Please note: We don't have murders in my town!! It would be the hugest news ever around here.

I do not think this "thing" is going to directly involve me. I don't think It will be my house thats on fire, or someone I love being killed, or anything like that. I just think its going to be something that happens close by, something I will probably witness or at least see cops or something, ya know?

I sound like a freak, I know. Please keep in mind I do not think I am psychic or anything like that. I'm not even sure I believe in that. I believe in feelings and instinct and what not though. Maybe I am just crazy. Although I usually tell my husband that the town's fire whistles are about to go off right before they do, and when I was a kid... I can not do this anymore... I used to freak my sister out by predicting, with frightening accuracy, songs that would come on the radio.

So, am I nuts or what??

Here We Go Again

Oy. These home ovulation predictor tests are confusing. Or maybe I'm just not very smart. Either way, I know I ovulated sometime between saturday and today, and did you-know-what saturday morning. I wonder what my chances are?

I WILL NOT OBSESS FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS.

I WILL NOT OBSESS FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS.

I WILL NOT OBSESS FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS.

The Waiting Game

My very good friend and neighbor, Tanya, is having a baby. Any day now. I am very excited about this, because I get to be her birth partner. The baby's father is, well, let's just say he needs to grow up a little bit. Tanya has no family at all. She has us, she has her friends, and soon, she will have her daughter.

She's already in very early labor, according to her doctor, but she has not had any serious contractions yet, so... we wait. I'm not sure how long but it should be soon! I get to be "Aunt Mandy" to her daughter which is very cool, and I am going to be taking care of her daughter when she goes back work, which is also very cool!

I can't remember a lot about when I went into labor, all I know is that it was past my due date, I had been feeling achy for weeks, and one night right after I went to bed my water broke. Then I started having full blown contractions.

Anyone out there remember how it was for you or your significant other?

That Was Then, This Is Now

I have been in a really strange mood lately. I'm not even sure if that's the right phrase to use in this situation. I will try to explain, but I'm not sure if it will make much sense. I can't even really make much sense out of it.

I think I am going through some kind of weird, self-evaluation thing. I have been thinking a lot about my past. Looking back, it's almost as if I have been several completely different people, like I have lived several seperate lives. I really am a completely different person. I know this is probably very normal, but it kind of intrigues me.

I have also been very curious about people from my past, too. Former boyfriends, former friends, former classmates from high school and art school. Keep in mind that I do not want to actually be in contact with most of these people, if any. I'm just curious. I've even been trying to do google searches, trying to be all detective like, haha. I haven't really gotten anywhere, and I refuse to pay anything to classmates.com.

High school I'm not all that interested in. Art school, for some reason, I am. I was so different then. I was so not myself. I was depressed, I made a lot of bad decisions, I was rebelling... against what, I'm still not sure. In retrospect it was a very, very low point in my life, the whole experience. Just thinking about it, any of it, gives me a weird, bad feeling. If any of those people saw me now, they probably wouldn't even believe it was me. Why am I suddenly so curious about them?

I kind of like comparing then to now. I like what I have become, I love where life has taken me. And you know what? I do not regret a single thing in my life. I do not regret a single choice I have made. I can finally say that with complete honesty. I truly believe that all I have done, and all that has happened, has made me the person I am today. Has brought me to this place in my life. I learned from everything. I always did have to learn things the hard way. I apreciate things. I apreciate my life for what it is, I know how lucky I am.

Something must be up in that subconscious of mine, though. Why am I thinking about all these people? People from 6th grade? People I knew for only a month, people who were in my life for years, people who made a significant impact in my life, people who didn't? Why do I want to know where they are, what they are doing, how they have changed? Why do I keep thinking about the past, reliving it in my head at times, trying to remember certain places, certain names...

I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. Maybe the therapy I've been going to is doing this. Maybe it's normal and just happens. Most likely this will pass. It's not an obsession or anything, just something I thought was kind of strange.

Anyone have any thoughts?

A Tale Of 2 Mothers

My sister-in-law is coming over today with her daughter, Rylee. Rylee is 2 and finally at an age where her and Maya are becoming friends, and can play together and communicate and have a good time.

My sister-in-law and I are very, very different people. She is an extreme right wing conservative, I am about as liberal as they come on most issues. She is a single mom who works full time, I am a married stay-at-home mom. She is pretty traditional when it comes to discipline, I am a huge advocate for positive discipline and no spanking.

Despite these differences, and yes they are HUGE, we have one very important thing in common: We are mothers and we love our children. We both worry about our kids, we both get frustrated at times, we both kiss boo-boos and comfort our kids when they are scared, we both want what we think is best for our children. Yes, sometimes our differences try to get in the way...

"Maybe if you disciplined her more, she wouldn't act like that..."

"Maybe if you didn't spank her, she wouldn't act that way...."

"Maybe you should get a job and help out more with the finances.."

"It's a shame you don't have much time to spend with your daughter..."

"I can't believe you don't agree with the war..."

"I can't believe you condone killing and violence..."

But in the end, what really matters is that we are family, our kids are cousins. What really matters are the phone calls...

"My kid is driving me nuts, lets get them together so they can play and occupy themselves..."

"How did you handle this when she was my child's age..."

"If you need a baby sitter, I'm there for you..."

"My child is sick and I am so worried..."

I think we all need to look past the differences with the people in our lives. All this feuding I see go on, moms against moms, it makes me crazy. If you can look past all that, imagine what you might find... a great friend, someone you have more in common in with than you think, if only you'd look a little closer and give it a chance!

Photos!!!!

New photos, just taken today, over at my flickr site... go check them out!!

So Anyway...

I don't know what the heck was up with me last night, but I am feeling much better today. Just thought I'd let ya know!

:)

In other news, We are going to have Maya's 5th birthday party at The Putting Edge. It's a really awesome glow in the dark mini golf place that just opened up around here. The website says our location is not booking parties, but I called anyway and it turns out they are! The price is great, too. Because Maya also wants a space theme, we are going to order a bunch of stuff from The Space Store. (By the way thank you Anathea for the link to the other cool space stuff, but we went with this one because it had a larger variety and favors and lots of goodies like that!) We've already confirmed with the golf place about having our own decorations and what not. I know I'm getting excited a little early (her birthday is October 4th) but it's best to plan these kinds of things ahead of time!

In other other news, starting this week hubby's shift changes at work and this is a very good thing, because now he will actually be home a lot more, and home for dinner. So, yeah. Compared to yesterday I am feeling much better!